THAT it is not a crime in many countries for two consenting adults, a male and a female, working for the same institution or company, to indulge in a sexual relationship does not mean that such a relationship is morally and/or ethically alright. Akin to situations where a young lady is offered a job after attending ?carpet interviews? (i.e. after rendering sexual favours on the carpet to a hiring boss), it is actually wrong and bad to sleep with your boss.
You have to consider also the corporate culture and power-politics of the organisation as well as the relevant human resources management (HRM) policies and any applicable sexual harassment laws.
Corporate incest, as it is sometimes known, often shows its ugly face when a male supervisor or manager begins to date or to sleep with a female subordinate, or where a professor starts to sleep with one of his or her students. Occasionally, you will find some courageous male subordinate dating or sleeping with a female boss, especially if the latter is desperately looking for a spouse or has difficulties in attracting or finding a suitable male partner. As they say in Bemba, ?Iyi-kota, ilya ne cani?? (i.e. an old lion or old lioness, with no strength to hunt down a fast sprinting prey, will resort to eating grass).
Generally, many supervisor-subordinate relationships exist in different forms and contexts. For example, you can have a supervisor-subordinate relationship between a supervising male medical doctor and a female medical nurse, or between a church pastor and a female church congregant or a female church-choir member. Such a relationship can also occur between a male guardian and a young female dependant in a home, or between a male senior military officer and a female junior soldier.
Sometimes, the female subordinate, or the male subordinate, as the case may be, will be encouraged by the culpable superior to work in a different unit of the company from that being headed by the said superior, with a view of making the sexual relationship appear somewhat acceptable and normal since the subordinate reports to a different manager or supervisor. But, let us take a more reasoned look.
Is it alright to sleep with your supervisor just to get a promotion or to get ahead of others? Or, is it alright for a female subordinate to flirt with her boss, or to be asking him redundant and simple questions now and again just to get his attention, or to be giggling at him whenever he is asking questions with a view of using one?s femininity to get ahead of others? Indeed, what are the moral choices that we ought to be making here, especially if one of the parties or both are married? And does this not tie in with the need for moral decency in the dress-code of some ladies at the workplace so that their clothing is not too suggestive and does not expose much of their upper thighs?
Notably, immoral sexual relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate can occur even in homes, especially where a male boss is sleeping with a female maid or where a female boss is sleeping with the houseboy or garden boy. Now, I am not a psychologist to offer any detailed explanation why such behaviour happens, save to say that it has been reported before that some sexually frustrated but ?self-liberated? married or single women have been known to pounce on their male house servants or garden boys, while some lustful male bosses, whether married or not, have been known to coerce or entice some of their female maids through cajoleries or threats. In a number of these cases, some form of sexual harassment tends to be the starting point, especially where some threats are involved. That said, can we contend that mutual consent between the two parties is all we should be concerned with?
While the laws of many countries, including the HRM policies of many companies, do prohibit sexual harassment in workplaces and elsewhere, these prohibitions tend to focuss more on men as the aggressors and women as the victims. To overcome such gender bias, we have to look beyond the law. We have to try to figure out additionally what the business ethics say. In an article titled, ?Sleeping with your boss can ?boost your career and give you a promotion? especially if you?re a woman?,? which appeared in a British publication, the Mail Online, on August 27, 2010, Daniel Bates reports: ?It will threaten to destroy your family life and lose you the respect of others. But having an affair with the boss is seen as likely to boost your career, especially if you are a woman. Some 37 per cent of office workers said that from their experience those who slept with their superiors were rewarded with a career boost. And no wonder ? no matter how high achieving, female executives will not reach the very top of their profession unless they find a ?sponsor? who will speak out on their behalf, the study for the U.S. Centre for Work-Life Policy found.?
So, after all, sex seems to be a big thing in the corporate world, although it is hardly covered on most MBA degree programmes. However, Bates observes further, ?More often than not they are in a position of power and influence, and almost always male and married. Despite all the risks, affairs in the workplace are still a common occurrence.? According to Bates, some 34 per cent of women in executive positions said they knew a female colleague who had slept with their boss. Even at director level or above, 15 per cent of women admitted to having had an office fling. And in terms of morale, 61 per cent of men and 70 per cent of women said they would lose respect for a leader involved in an affair. As Bates observes, ?Don?t expect that your colleagues will have no idea what is happening ? 60 per cent of male executives and 65 per cent of female executives suspect that salary hikes and plum assignments are being traded for sexual favours.?
Yes, we live in a crazy world! And while much of the corporate world looks quite rosy from outside, things are quite muddy from the inside, with many folks entangled in corporate hustling and jostling so as to position themselves favourably for promotions and all. The evidence presented by the Mail Online is quite revealing. Bates continues: ?Some 48 per cent of men and 56 per cent of women feel animosity towards the involved couple, and 39 per cent of men and 37 per cent of women see a fall off in productivity as the team splinters.?
According to Bates, relationships expert Jean Hannah Edelstein noted that: ?Office affairs are a bad idea. Your boss already has a lot of power over you?so once you start sleeping with him, how do you know that he?s going to fulfil his end of the bargain? Even if it happens in the short term, everyone will know what?s going on and you?ll lose their respect. It poisons the atmosphere and in the long run it is not worth it and will follow you around the industry.?
Edelstein is quoted as saying further: ?In some jobs that are boring you?re sitting there all day and you want to fancy someone, or in some high-pressure jobs there is nowhere else to meet people, so these things do happen. If it does, be prepared to leave your job if it goes sour, it can be that serious. You really have to ask yourself: ?Am I that into this person I?d be prepared to lose my job over it?? If the answer is no, then don?t do it.???
Cherise Fantus makes observations similar to Edelstein?s in an article titled, ?Why sleeping with your boss will knock you to the bottom,? dated February 6, 2011, and published Online in the Scribe, ?You have a sexy boss. He?s tall; he?s handsome; he?s unattached; and best of all, he?s in a position of power. You?ve no doubt spent a lot of time fantasizing about him in a slightly different position of power. Well, stop it. Sleeping with your boss is almost always guaranteed to end badly.?
According to Fantus, ?Monica Lewinsky should have taught us that. She slept with the most powerful man in the country. Maybe she simply couldn?t resist that kind of power. Maybe she thought it would advance her career.? Fantus contends further that most people, like Lewinsky, sleep with their bosses in hopes of advancing their positions or receiving a raise.
The reality, though, Fantus argues, is that you will likely lose your job because ?either somebody will find out, there will be a scandal, and your boss? boss will fire you; or, you will develop a relationship?. Also, what if the sex turns out to be terrible? Can you imagine having to look him in the eye the next day? ?Uh? sir, can you approve these TRS reports?? Fantus concludes that, by contrast, should the sex turn out to be great, it will eventually end.
Although, legally speaking, your boss cannot fire you because you broke up with him, he can always find another reason to fire you. Or he can transfer you ?downstairs to Storage Unit B. Either way, you?re screwed. Figuratively, not literally, of course.? So, what to do now?
It is not always the case that bottom-power will get you to the top. Sometimes it can land you into problems. Some possessive married bosses will not allow their subordinate sexual partner to get herself a spouse to marry. The poor subordinate will remain the boss? concubine, especially if the boss is now fathering children with her or is taking care of most of her financial needs.
Likewise, a male subordinate who has been sleeping with his female supervisor will find it hard to break away from that relationship. If he dares try, he might end up being fired or demoted instantly by the upset female boss, or she will deliberately make his life a living hell or a nightmare. So, what to do now? As the Bembas say: ?Aka-fupa utemenwe eka kusha umu-cene.? And as an old African-American adage goes: ?Son, whatever makes you smile gonna make you cry?!
The author of this article holds, inter alia, Management and Senior Executive Leadership qualifications from Cornell University (US), Georgetown University (US) and the University of Hull (UK). However, the interpretations and conclusions expressed in this paper are entirely those of the author. They do not represent the views of any institution, person or body to which the author is affiliated.
For feedback on the article, the author can be reached electronically at: KMwenda@yahoo.com
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